What have I been working on, WordPress?
Absolutely nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. The whole “working for a thieving con artist and no longer having an income” incident, combined with several other events that I may or may not eventually get around to writing about, have knocked me on my ass all spring and summer. I’m still sucking air, though, which I’m sure will disappoint a few of you who were hoping that I’d finally ridden my gravel bike into the path of a speeding TerraGator.
I’ve been trying to get my give a fuck back, but I am being hammered by executive dysfunction. I should be writing about spending $1000 in less than three days on a cat who died anyway, recreating the violations of the Geneva Conventions that Fred’s people call recipes, scouring newspaper archives for bizarre century-old newspaper clippings to transcribe, or even just digging holes in the lawn like an overgrown gopher. Instead, I sit here drinking so much coffee that I could probably thread a running sewing machine and staring at a blank screen until I end up doom-scrolling Facebook and Reddit and not accomplishing a damned thing aside from wearing a hole in an expensive office chair and eating my weight in goldfish crackers every day.
Today, I logged into WordPress for the first time in months. Fred is off terrorizing everyone in a car foolish enough to get in the path of his Peterbilt, I’ve got a Spotify playlist going which is appropriately titled, “Cat Calming Music”, and, if the neighbor’s kids would just get within coffee cup flinging distance, I could put a stop to “death metal pig squeal practice time” and maybe get something done today. Like logging into my other site and finally typing up the epic story of the sheepherder who rode his cow through a forest fire back in the 20’s. This right here is more than I’ve managed in only The Flying Spaghetti Monster knows how long, though. I’d hate to overdo it and actually write something that pays the bills.
Someone please pass the coffee pot. Also, if you’re going to Target, they’re having a sale on the giant boxes of goldfish crackers this week. Grab me two and I’ll pay you back.
Cat Hoskins 